So many things happened today... I wouldn't go into details, neither will I be capable of judging if they're good things or bad things, but these events that took place today really left me with a lot of thoughts and emotions. Though I suck at penning down my thoughts, I really needed to just express what's in my mind, after today's roller coaster ride.
1. Why do people always think that pushing people away is always the best way to ensure that there'll be no emotional attachment at the end, when they'll have to go separate ways?
It's ok to feel. It's ok to cry. It's ok to just be sad even though you're a guy.
Sometimes, people think that they have to always be strong, and they try to avoid feeling all other emotions the human is capable of feeling. Some people feel that by pushing others away, by making themselves feel indifferent, insensitive, people will naturally try to avoid or make any emotional relationships with them. They try to prevent the heartbreak before the heart is even capable of breaking. Have they ever thought that by trying to push others away, they're actually pulling us closer to them, making it even harder for them to separate from this emotional bond in the end? After all that you've done, you've actually made others feel the need to try and do whatever it takes to make you mad and angry, and somehow, they actually touch your heart.
I'll never be able to fully comprehend what happened today. It was just so surreal to me. Honestly speaking, it was (and still is) one of my biggest fears. Falling too deep in, so deep that you can't get out.
2. Not all hardwork pays off.
I guess... You can call this the cold hard truth. It's kind of cliche and I'm sure you have probably heard this 5000 times over various platforms (twitter... tumblr... facebook???) But it's true. And it's really a wake up call for all of us today, sometimes it's really all about luck.
I must admit, I didn't give my 100% for the promos. I was always slacking off after a few hours (more like 30 minutes?) of studying and I never really payed attention during tutorials throughout the semester. But, I guess the marks I've gotten is pretty much what I've deserved for the past year of complacency and pure ignorance at times? What really hurts me everytime is seeing the faces of those who have gave it their all, pumped in more time studying than me, listening attentively to all the tutorials and lectures, and still not getting what they truly deserve. It's like I feel like don't deserve what I've gotten, neither did they.
Right now, I feel like there's a million things going through my head and everything's so messed up I don't even know what to feel anymore. I really hope that tomorrow, I'll be granted some clarity of mind and hopefully be in for a less dramatic day.
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